He did it. He left me. After all this time, he has finally realised that he doesn’t love me anymore.

Hell, I’m not even sure there ever was a time that he loved me.

I mean… I understand.

Unfortunately I never had a chance to repair our friendship, as she disappeared out of my life without saying a word. I had to hear from other people what her reasons was for ending our deep friendship in such an abrupt manner.

It tore me apart and I cried for days about her as she was the only one, besides The BF of course, who truly understood and accepted me for who I was. Or so I thought. Anyway, I don’t want to go into the details of what happened as it’s been two years now since it’s happened. I don’t like to linger on the past too much.

I just need to let it out somewhere HOW MUCH I MISS HAVING HER AS MY FRIEND!!

Even though our friendship obviously meant nothing to her, to me it did. And I miss having someone like her to talk to. . .

So, my friend, should you ever stumble across my blog (and you’ll know it’s you I’m talking about) just remember that I still consider you a friend and would do ANYTHING in the world to have a second chance at our friendship.

Firstly, I’m feeling terrible.

There’s this company who sells cell phone contracts through telle-sale agents. They claim to have received my number from my current service provider (and I’m thinking: why the hell would they do that?).

Anyway, I’ ve received a couple of calls from them before, but this past week or so, they’ve been phoning like everyday. Yesterday, I had to put the phone down on 3 of them (and I hate doing that, as I know how they must feel too!) and today twice. It’s the second one I’m feeling bad about.

Here’s roughly how the conversation went:

Me: W*$%*, hello?

Sales Lady: “Good afternoon mam, my name is S&^@$$%, and…”

Me (interupting): “Is this *&^%&& again?”

Sales Lady (Sounding Discouraged): “Yes?”

Me (Stern): “This is unacceptable! This is the 5th call in 2 days! And who knows how many more! You take my number off that list Immediately or I’ll report you. It’s absolutely unacceptable ….. ” and so forth

And then I put the phone down. And I feel bad because in my anger, I forgot to let the sales lady know that it’s not her I’m angry with. That it was the company allowing her to do such a thing that angered me. I hope she’s not like me. I hope she just brushes it off as another crazy bitchy customer and laughs about it with her friends!

The Second thing: HIS IRRITATINGNESS HAS DEPARTED!!!!!!!!! WOOOO FUCKING HOOO!!!

His Irritatingness have decided to further his studies in Chinese Medicine ; in China!! He’s been gone for over a week now and life IS FANTASTIC! I haven’t felt this relaxed or happy in a loong time. But, can you believe it, he had just moved out when another of BF’s cousins asked to stay with us! Luckily, BF said no. I swear, I would have packed my stuff and left, had he said yes!

The third thing: Something Weird

My feelings about Something Weird is dampening somewhat. I wish it wasn’t!

Something Weird really confuses me sometimes. As soon as you think you know what it’s about, he says something to change my whole perspective… And he’s so darn serious. Sometimes I say things with very kind intentions, and it feels as though he takes it as me being nasty/rude or whatever you may call it. And TheN he gets all defensive and stuff. And sometimes it’s like his teasing me. Like our whole friendship is just a joke. I don’t know. I guess I’ll just proceed towardsSomething Weird with caution from now on.

Lastly: We have moved!

To a gorgeous place! I absolutely love it here! Imagine: Spacious rooms, high ceiling, wood or tile floors, open-plan kitchen/living-room, 2 bedrooms, bathroom, short passageway, porch and/or ground floor balcony, storeroom and a garden!

MMmkay. SPeak again.

It’s killing me.

I’m too scared to find out.

I don’t know what to do.

Hear me out:

You are not necessarily your soul-mate’s soul-mate. Example: Person A meets Person B. Person A is person B’s soul-mate, although Person B is not Person A’s soul-mate, because Person B’s soul-mate is actually Person C. And, fortunately for Person B, Person B is also Person C’s soul-mate, so if they were lucky enough to find each other they’d end up with a fairytale relationship.

Person A needs to find the soul-mate who also has Person A as their soul-mate. I know it sounds a bit confusing, but it makes sense in my head.

Anyway, I’ve had the opportunity to meet 2 of my soul-mates.  And I think, just recently, I might have met my 3rd!. Yup, not many people are as lucky as me.

I’m currently in a relationship with soul-mate nr1, and I’m still figuring out if I’m his soul-mate too. Although I’m 98% sure I am.

Yea, so that’s my take on soulmates.

Anyway, the reason for the photo’s is another issue I’m currently struggeling with:

These photo’s are meant for Something Weird, and I am shaking from fear of what Something Weird might think of this.  Why? I don’t know, cause i know Something Weird probably doesn’t give a damn either way.

Sometimes, I feel as if I say the stupidest things!  Especially to people who don’t know me well yet. The thing is I really am a bit strange, and my friends appreciate me for that. But I can understand how I might seem a bit weird to other people.. Mostly, I don’t give a shit, but everytime I really want someone to like me, I say or do something weird or stupid. Damn, it’s irritating.

I still feel something weird happening, too. And the feeling is getting stronger. It might be that.

I can’t wait for it to pass.

This something has happened so quickly that I’m completely blown off my feet.  This something makes my heart pound and my tummy turn and stimulates my mind. I smile more, and look forward to this something everyday.

This something is intelligent and funny and entertaining and just mind blowingly awesome.

But, alas, this something will probably think I am out of my mind if I ever state what I stated here.

And I can tell you, His Irritatingness is definitely cashing in on this opportunity to annoy me. Listen to this:

Yesterday, my boyfriend and I were watching Shawshank Redemption again when he came back from meditation and DEMANDED to watch cricket. We were in the middle of a movie but he didn’t care. He just wanted what HE wanted. And my damn boyfriend CAVED IN AGAIN!!! AAAARRRGHHHHHHH!!!

One of these days, I’m going to have a heart attack from all this stress he causes me, I’m sure!

I have decided to put my foot down when it comes to cleaning around the flat. I’m starting by NOT cleaning up his dishes. There’s a whole stack of it already in the Kitchen, left over from the weekend and it’s driving me up the walls, but I’m not going to touch it. He has to learn that I am not his god damn maid. I don’t know if this is the best way to go about it, so if there maybe is someone reading this blog, I would appreciate any help when it comes to  His Irritatingness!

So, back to yesterday and the cricket:

Later, my boyfriend left to go visit another of his cousins on his mother’s side. When I checked, I saw that His Irritatingness had fallen asleep in-front of the cricket. So I wanted to change the channel, which awoke him promptly. He said that I can’t change the channel ’cause he’s watching. I made him aware of the fact that he was sleeping up until this point and he had the fucking audacity to ask me what it is on the other channels that I want to watch! Fuck it man, why should I have to explain myself to him? If he’s sleeping, and I want to watch something else, ANYTHING else, who is he to stop me?

But he did, and I didn’t get to watch something else. FIVE minutes after, he was asleep again!! Can you fuckn believe it.

Unfortunately, being coward me, I just left it and focused on doing stuff on my PC at least (I talk, in a previous post, about his PC hogging).

I WANT HIM TO GO BACK TO CHINA RIGHT NOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

And, secretly, I want to strangle him or beat the crap out of his fucked up little face! (I say secretly, cause I’d never be able to actually do that!)

In our entire relationship of almost 9 years, I think i have received but one flower, which he only gave to me because someone else gave it to him and he didn’t want it!!!  Valentine’s day is taboo in his world. Birthdays are “just another day”. Now I do agree with him on both subjects, though I do feel that when it comes to the one you love, a little effort on those days means ALOT.

I have never been taken out on a romantic evening of wining and dining with just the two of us. I have never received any type of gift (not that it matters, it’s just the thought, you know?) .  At one stage, I tried to make effort for romance, but he always brushed it off as not important and then spoiled the whole evening. So, I’ve given up. I am doomed to be stuck with an unromantic man for the rest of my life…

Don’t get me wrong, he is a FABULOUS person and we love each other to death. It’s just: a girl needs a bit o’ romance every once in a while!

Last year on my birthday, he slept through the whole day because he was tired from staying up the whole previous night playing games. I was promised an evening out with him, thus I cancelled all plans that I had with friends and stuff (of course having faith in his words and not thinking that he’d end up sleeping!). AND I ENDED UP SPENDING MY 26th BIRTHDAY ALONE, STARING AT HIM WHO IS PASSED OUT ON THE COUCH!! It was horrible.

This year, however, I will not make the same mistakes. I will stick to my plans with friends and he can follow if he wants or just do whatever makes him happy.

The worst of all is: There are so many unromantic issues about our relationship, yet we have the best relationship of all the couples we know! I know I can trust him. I know if I need his help, he’ll be there. I know that he loves me (though he has a weird way of showing it). I know that he respects me in his own special way. So, yes, romance or not, I am a very lucky girl.